So why Do People Stop? Why NOT Continue on the Road to Progress?

So my wife and I had a heated discussion several months back that focused on her opinion that I am ‘obsessed with exercise’ and why I was always reading about exercise, nutrition, supplements and testosterone. In her opinion my priority was my workout schedule and not in line with what she thought was a ‘healthy compromise’. What started the debate was my daughter had been stranded at school and needed to be rescued. Of course, here in Taiwan, anything like missing a bus or catching a ride home from school turns into a communication and logistics nightmare. And during the flurry of conversations on how to collect the girl I said, “gee, I’ll miss a work out”. This immediately turned into my “exercise obsession” and how it interfered with everything that is normal or rational. In other words, what I think she was trying to relate to me is that my priority is me first and to hell with the rest of the world. While I don’t think that’s completely true (I’m really not that selfish), I do consider my workouts a priority and take quite seriously the time and effort it takes to plan and execute a healthier lifestyle. And if in the normal course of the business of life, I cannot make that schedule I set for myself, I do feel disappointment and a bit of remorse.

As we drove the 1 hour through Taichung rush-hour traffic to rescue the girl, the debate continued. However, I really don’t think I got my point across; it takes dedication and discipline, which equates to time, to achieve a healthier me. And apparently, my “exercise obsession” has been a festering issue for some time. 

And during this discussion, as much as I wanted to scream it out, I refrained from the cheap cut; “hey, if you worked as hard to lose that extra XX pounds of bootie you’re dragging around as you are at pasting me in the same light as an anorexic, you might feel better about yourself or just plain better”. Please, as much as I love the woman, I don’t want her to take her lifestyle choice out on me. I’m not saying she’s lazy or shies away from hard work, but her priorities are not the same as mine and sometimes they don’t balance. And I doubt she is envious; however she does see me with less clothing than anyone else and I know she dose notices. And she ‘sure fire’ knows the energy and commitment it takes or she wouldn’t have lambasted me over the original comment; “gee, I’ll miss a work out”.

So in the 10 years since my own personnel journey to change, one would think your life partner would engage and encourage, especially after seeing the benefit in health, in attitude, in courage, and in self-esteem. Instead of lashing out, why wouldn’t she just ask for assistance and join me. Lead by example not by belittling and badgering. Well I guess some people take longer to figure it out, and she does try. In Taiwan she has been joining me at 4:30 am on my 40 minute stationary bike rides Monday, Wednesday and Friday. That’s a start and I hope to get her in the weight room at the World Gym in the coming weeks. We’ll see. Hopefully I can encourage her to stick to a program longer than 6 to 8 weeks (my first apprentice).

And as a Part II to the above discussion; the other evening my wife again derided me as being arrogant about weight issues. And it was from an offhand comment I made about an acquaintance that happens to be a ‘Trainer’. My issue with this acquaintance is that this person is also overweight and I really don’t see them setting a good example as far as nutrition or exercise toward their clients. And because this person does NOT train regularly to improve their own situation, there is no pity or consideration from me. No matter how knowledgeable this person may be as far as keeping others fit or pushing them toward their personal goals, if the appearance does not represent that expectation, then how can you be effective? It’s a role model thing; I just don’t see it. In any case I didn’t use these specific (or more precisely, politically correct) words to explain my opinion, I used the ‘FAT’ word; Oh My!!!

First things first; since I opened this blog I have never gone out of my way to insult or otherwise criticize someone for their lifestyle. In the original blog, A Book Is Judged By Its Cover, Not Its Content; I was being as HONEST as possible and if you’re fat, you’re fat, it’s hard to hide. Some people can accept the fact and just live with it and some can’t. For a number of reasons, I can’t accept it. And as sad as it may be, society WILL judge you on your looks (that all so important 1^st impression), not on what you can offer. If you are outside of that range of ‘expected normal’, no matter who is looking, you will be categorized; fat, bulging, unkempt, chunky, lard butt, obese, etc… Remember, other people’s perceptions are our realities. So if you are overweight, people will judge you as overweight and include all of the negative connotations that go along with that lifestyle. And yes, admittedly, I too succumb to those prejudices. I think we all do.

So the discussion continued down the path of; “If I was so judgmental of this person then I must really see her (my wife) and my daughter as bloated disgusting slobs” or something to this effect. Now how do you respond to this? As much as you would like to respond in the negative, “if the shoe fits….”, I bit my tong and did what I could to defuse the discussion.

I’m not sure what brings these outbursts but it sure is alarming. She understands quite well that I manage my weight for the absurd reason of NOT having to spend the rest of my life taking statins or Metformin or whatever other drug they give these days for borderline diabetes. Nor do I wish to have to pop a little blue pill every time we both feel a little frisky. My body fat (BF) threshold for diabetes meds is at 20%. Above 20 and my fasting glucose will be in excess of 120 mg/dl. Hell, my ‘Pill Pushing’ Dr. insists that at anything over 100 and it’s time to pull the trigger on lifelong meds.  However, below 15% I can keep my fasting glucose below the 100 range and as an added benefit, my Total Cholesterol stays below 170, that also nixes the Lipitor. I use the same tactics as any number of natural Body Builders to stay in that sweet zone of under 15%. Everything from Carb Cycling, Paleo and intermittent fasting diets to German volume training, power training, running and biking keeps me below that 15% threshold. And as long as I can manage, I’m gonna’ do that. I would rather work hard and stay off the med’s then have to work hard to afford the med’s.

And if I read about nutrition and exercise and try new things to stay fit and trim, and maybe look a bit on the athletic side, why would that upset her? Does she really feel pressure living with me ‘being normal’? And if you are lucky enough to get below that 15% BF (girls under 20%) threshold and lift and run and swim, and then lift some more, I guarantee you’re gonna’ look pretty damn good in a bathing suit.  Do I need to lower my expectations and personal criteria? I don’t think so!!!

Like I’ve said, in the almost 40 years I’ve been married to the woman, I have NEVER said a word about her weight. And like I had told my Padawan; “Anything you do is for yourself, not for other people”. I can NOT force you to live a healthier lifestyle and in fact, it IS NOT my place to even suggest you do. But if you want to, because you see how it makes the people close to you look and feel, then just ask and I’ll do what I can to encourage loosing That Last 10 Pounds.